Relative Secrets

Monday, July 10, 2006

And it's stupid, that we wait for something like this to take care of the things that matter, instead of doing it on-going. It seems like I've been working on issues I had with my mother since I had my daughter. And, for my effort, I have NO issues with her at all. We can even talk about the custody battle without any tension, and that was a big, big thing. But it seems like it's mostly been the opposite with my father. Things are swept under a rug and not dealt with until there's a tragedy, then we're all expected to be all LifeTime Channel and put everything on the table and deal with it till it's Happy Ever After. Thing is, we've been called to the drill so many times that it almost seems scripted. "Okay, here's the danger, here's how we talk about it, and it's all better now. See you in another few years." I'd like, for once, to be able to really talk about this shit. I think I've done pretty well so far at being completely honest about what the issues are. I think it's helped that it was done via e-mail, because it's helped me actually DO it, instead of making an attempt and being hushed by a look or an eye-roll.

He hasn't responded yet. At first, and, still, really, I felt like I was being disregarded yet again. My sister said that he's told her that he's read the mail over and over again. I don't know what that means. I guess it could mean that he just can't believe I'm saying this shit. It could mean that he empathizes, though, if what my sister says is true: that she is being investigated for abusing him, for only feeding him once a day via the tube, instead of 3-4 meals a day. I don't know what it means. She asked me, "What do you want from him?" I asked her to read the letter again, because I think I was very clear about what I wanted from him. That is no longer a secret.


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